The 111 Standards  1-40

The 111 Standards  81-111

41.  Reading the Literature of the Kerista Tribe and Cooperative Living in General

Keristans have produced all sorts of writing and art about our lifestyle, philosophy, psychology, etc.  Reading this literature is relevant to anyone seriously interested in cooperative endeavors of any kind, as is reading the literature of the Israeli kibbutzim and other communal living experiments, past and present communes are an important part of American history.

42.  No Acceptance of Anything on Blind faith

Always use critical analysis and evaluation prior to agreeing to or accepting any proposal, idea, or theory.  We salute the flag of individual sovereignty and inner-directedness.

43.  Striving for the Avoidance of Misunderstanding

Miscommunications are never beautiful.  You should always try to have a clear understanding of what you wish to convey to someone else and attempt to be accurate in relating it.  By the same token, as a listener, you should not be blocked up with preconceptions of what you think the other person is going to say. Place a high value upon precision and clarity in all interpersonal exchanges, and upon making efforts to eliminate situations in which those involved do not understand each other due to negligence, impatience, inattention, or faulty assumptions.  The main thing in active, intentional friendship development is friends who "listen to one another."

44.  Willingness to Ask Questions

If you are not following a conversation, or don't understand the definition of words or terms being used, ask questions to find out what's going on.  Don't be afraid of looking stupid.

45.  No Embracing Bizarre Ideas

Don't attach yourself to a bizarre (i.e., irrational, unrealistic) idea for the sake of being shocking or unusual, or in a dogmatic, unyielding sense.  Anything you believe in should be something you can talk about rationally, and receive feedback that you will also consider seriously.

46.  The "Toggle Switch" Mode of Decision-Making

Basic choices (such as agreement or disagreement with social contract standards) can be made in a "yes/no" manner, rather than a vague "rheostat" reading (i.e., "I agree with this a little bit," or "I'm sometimes into that").  Once an opinion or decision is "toggle switched" into place, it can always be reversed given new input, but remains in place until such new input should arrive.  This approach allows you to get much more specific feedback as to whether or not any given position taken works for you.

INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

47.  Absence of Jealousy and Possessiveness

Jealousy kills, and that's a fact.  Just as it is totally gross to act like you own another person, you should also only wish to be where you are truly wanted and appreciated.  It reinforces self-esteem to gracefully allow others to do what they want, be where they want to be, and to wish them well in their pursuits. The habitual response of jealousy to any interpersonal dynamic can (and should) be changed through introspection, dialogue, re-programming basic premises that are outdated, and developing relationships in a friendship context.  Remember that human beings are not property or objects that can be possessed or manipulated.  It is ungracious and inappropriate to desire more of anyone's time, friendship, attention or affection than she/he voluntarily wishes to bestow upon you, or to interfere with her/his involvement with anyone else.

48.  Accountability/Psychological Exhibitionism

Keep friends and partners posted as to your latest thoughts, feelings, activities, financial matters, time-engineering and future plans.  "I don't want to talk about it" is not an acceptable response to a relevant question (other than as a temporary thing, for instance if you are extremely tired or on you way to an appointment, but are willing to talk later).  Topics often considered private in other cultural contexts (sexual relationships, personal finances, age) are all normal things to talk about in this one.

49.  No Duplicity

It’s OK to talk about someone who isn't present, but nothing should be said about that person that you would not be willing to say to her/him directly.  No malicious gossip.  No secret meetings, behind someone's back, to discuss conspiracies or other schemes of a duplicitous nature.

50.  Active Intentional Friendship Development

Consciously work on developing ongoing friendships around shared values, special interest areas and personal attraction.  This includes the ability to make increasingly strong social and activity commitments as gestalt-oriented relationships deepen, beginning with the entry-level commitment to meet on some regular, responsible basis.  Friendships are priceless.  Each of us should seek to have hundreds of friends.

51.  Non-Interference in Art:  Protection from Rip-Off

Everyone has the right to originate projects and protect the integrity of her/his original plan or design.  The project originator has the right to maintain control over the originated project if, as and when others who have joined her/him in the project want to turn it into a different sort of thing than she/he has in mind.  This applies to originating a social activity or outing, a household space, a best-friend identity cluster (B-FIC), an art project, discussion group, special interest group, theatrical activity, nonprofit corporation, and so forth.  If a project originator leaves a group, she/he takes her/his project with her/him.

52.  Dedication to Constantly Working on Oneself and Developing Strength of Character

We all have our own neuroses and weak points to work on.  There is no such thing as reaching a state of ultimate perfection or enlightenment that precludes room for improvement.  Developing your character is a lifetime proposition.  Self-improvement doesn't come automatically, but requires positive mental attitudes, intelligence, effort and perseverance, along with application of proven self-improvement techniques and a process.  Be open to new ideas and to feedback from others; expect to continuously grow and change as the years go by, and learn to do so gracefully.

53.  No Flippancy

Good humor involves knowing what is intended to be serious and what is meant as jest.  Saying things as if in jest which arc really meant seriously, or the inability to be serious about issues which warrant seriousness, is inappropriate.

54.  Seeking Quality and Depth in Personal Relationships

We want to get beyond superficiality, vapidity, chronic banality, mystical vagueness, small talk and the hard shell of formality in which individuals build a neurotic wall around themselves.

55.  No Ingratiating Manner

Avoid consciously or unconsciously distorting, altering, or ignoring your own beliefs or opinions in order to appease another person.  Individual ethical integrity is a basic value.  We seek to avoid the propensity of "supplicant narcissistic behavior" in our social environment.

56.  Ability to Say "No"

Never agree to do something you do not really want to do.  Use your ability to decline, be assertive, and say "no."  Do not allow yourself to be pressured or coerced into doing anything you do not want to do.

57.  Using the Construct of the Friendship Context Model of Relationships

This model of friendship involves recognition of distinct "relationship rings," each representing a different level of intimacy and involvement.  All relationships are defined and clearly articulated in terms of how and where they fit into this model, so that people do not try to act either closer to or more distant from each other than they really are in objective reality.  The goal of this model is to allow people to build optimal relationships, with an absence of the stresses that stem from being inappropriately close or distant.  If you are in a relationship ring which you find too intense, move back to a less intense involvement ring (meeting less often, for instance).  If you'd like to get closer to someone, bring it up for mutual evaluation.

58.  Macho Abatement

Do your part to help rid of the world, and yourself, of macho attitudes and behavior. Macho may be found in both women and men of any culture.  It is essentially all behavior and attitudes in which you assume that you are (must be) right and others wrong; that you must come out on top while someone else loses; that any criticism is an insult to your essential being; that you have the right to boss, dominate or possess others, etc.  It also includes the attitude/behavior which complement those stated above (women assuming that they are inferior, that they have to treat a man's ego with kid gloves in order to "keep" him, etc.)  In this spirit, we have also amended the English language, using bi-gender terms rather than male terms for universals ("humanity" instead of "mankind;" "her/his" and "she/he" in place of "his" and "he," etc.).

59.  Social Contract Consciousness

Make agreements in the form of oral and/or written social contracts, prior to beginning a cooperative or group venture of any sort.  Ground rules can be clearly stated as standards.  Keeping your agreements will raise your self-esteem, and not keeping your agreements will lower your self-esteem.

60.  Non-Defensiveness

Critical or corrective input is never pleasant to hear, and may cause feelings of intense discomfort.  But if you wanna dish it out, you gotta be able to take it, too.  There is often no other way to get the information or motivation you will need to go through positive changes, or to get an objective look at yourself.  Be receptive to input from others, and keep a lid on whatever defensive voices are ringing in your head.  The obsessive desire to be right no matter what, to save face, look smart, etc. won't get you anywhere.  Allow yourself to believe that when people give you constructive criticism, they are doing you a favor.

61.  Participation in Important Gestalts

When an issue of significance is being discussed, it is important that you make your personal views and feelings known, so that all involved can benefit from every possible wisdom source.  Leaving it up to someone else to sort out, particularly when the issue has some bearing on your life, is socially irresponsible.

62.  Giving Critical feedback

Just as it's important to be able to receive critical input graciously, ifs important to be able to give it, too.  Being passive, indifferent or silent in the face of a friend's neurotic behavior or crummy attitude is not doing her/him a favor, nor is it "polite."  Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is give her/him a real blast of direct, intemperate feedback; sometimes nothing else will penetrate.  (There is also such a thing as coming on too heavy, but that is a line that you and the others involved can determine.)

63.  Repetition as a Positive Value

Going over ideas many times in conversation, in your mind, or in media (seeing a video over and over, for instance) is a helpful part of learning.  Requests to repeat something you have already said shouldn't be responded to with impatience.

64. Gestalt "Gropes" are OK

Making verbal "gropes" regarding anyone's underlying motivations or psychology (expressing intuitive guesses as to what may be going on at a subconscious or minimally conscious level) is a helpful tool and technique, not to be taken as an insult or an affront.  A gestalt grope may also reflect the "meta-messages" (indirect, often nonverbal implications and signals) a person is putting out rather than the precise words she/he says. A grope is an educated guess, and is an important technique in the work of sorting out psychological problems and interpersonal conflicts.

65.  No Impression Management

Honestly represent yourself at all times.  Don't boast or try to give an impression which does not reflect your true state of mind.

66.  Acceptance of Responsibility for the Consequences of Your Speech and Actions

What you say or do is considered in most instances a valid and literal reflection of your inner beliefs and feelings. We are all responsible for meaning what we say and do, and must expect to take the consequences of our statements and actions.  Sincerity is a basic value in communication.

67.  No One Can Intimidate, Humiliate or Insult You Without Your Own Consent

Although people may at times say or do things to try to insult or humiliate or intimidate you, and this is beyond your control, you do have control over your response.  In most cases it’s best to absorb the input without getting bugged or taking it personally; it’s probably the other person's bullshit and she/he does not have access to your own self-esteem.  It's also important to learn to absorb friendly critical input that you may dislike without feeling insulted, humiliated or intimidated.

68.  No Unconditional Relationships

The whole point of a social contract is to build conditional relationships!  A breach of the conditions of any relationship is grounds for some type of reaction or re-evaluation of the relationship.  You may or may not decide that a distancing is called for in response, but it's important not to just let something slide unmentioned if it breaks an agreement.  Conditionality is basic to integrity and healthy emotions.

69.  No Willful Malevolence

Take your meanness, snottiness, vengeance, nastiness, ridicule and other creepy behavior and intentions someplace else.  Goodwill is always a two-way street.  Being cheerful and friendly is basic to building a healthy and functional social environment.

70.  Non-Withdrawal

Maintaining good communication includes not withdrawing into a shell in which you cut off dialogue about issues or feelings in your head that ought to be talked out.  There should be an active willingness to raise problems and unclear issues for group mind consideration, and non-avoidance of this process when someone else initiates it.

71.  No Willful Contrariness

Don't disagree for the sake of disagreeing (or of being disagreeable).

72.  Non-Stodginess in the Face of Overwhelming Evidence

When a vote or opinion goes unanimously against the way you are voting, go along with the vote cheerfully, giving the overwhelming opinion of everybody else involved due respect, rather than remaining stodgy and stubborn.  This applies particularly to times when you are the subject of a gestalt confrontation (i.e., a situation in which others are confronting some negative behavior or attitude they think you have displayed), and everyone else in the gestalt sees the issue differently than you do.

73.  No Unnecessary or Superfluous Standards

The standards protect us from obnoxious behavior and unwanted, alien intrusion into the "harmonic interconnectedness" and "concordance" we "expect to observe" in our life space.  Putting it another way, we seek "optimal freedom" through "surrender: that is, willing submission to virtuous laws. " Keristans describe liberty as living by laws or standards we freely choose to live by.  If any standard is shown to be superfluous, we will remove it from the list.

74.  Law of Mutual Consent

In every type of interaction or relationship, mutual consent is a precondition.  Avoid any form of coercion or non-reciprocity.  Voluntary association is the backbone of a top-notch social life.

SELF-DEVELOPMENT TECHNIQUES

75.  Gita Yoga

This is a process of concentrating and meditating upon your highest ideals in order to clarify what they are, and to draw energy from them that translates into activity, effort and productive work.

76.  Seeing Yourself as a Case Study

Use objective awareness to view yourself as a psychosocial case study who is going through constant growth and change.  This includes scientifically evaluating your past through memory regeneration exercises, video therapy, autobiographical story-telling, etc.  Being able to take a step back and look at yourself in a scientific context makes it easier to deal with emotionally sensitive issues.

77.  Seeing Yourself as a Star and Theatricalizing Your Life

Imagine that you arc the star of a movie, story, novel, or theatrical production.  The story is the story of your life; like any good story it ought to have a good beginning, middle and end.  Though the end is of course unknown in the present, you can construct your history up to the present, and your future goals and ideals, in such a way as to see yourself in the best possible light.  This approach adds a sense of cohesiveness to your history, and makes life much more dramatic.

78.  Lifestyle Resolution

It's your duty to always seek out the "lifestyle package" in which you can feel solidly comfortable.  If you cannot stand up and defend your own choices and situation verbally, with conviction, or have unresolved feelings about it, you should be looking for ways to change the situation so as to arrive at a centered position.  Lifestyles ought to always fit your true personality and nature.  Once having chosen a lifestyle, live it to the hilt.

79.  Willingness to Do Public Speaking

Be willing to talk about your feelings about the things you are involved in, or believe in, to an audience.  This includes participation in discussion groups, being taped on audio or videocassette, and doing self-expression and poise development exercises.  Become increasingly aware and conscious of your own special interests, so you can talk about them.

80.  Assertiveness Is a Virtue

Clearly speaking your mind and expressing your true feelings on any given subject, regardless of what other individuals may think or feel, is important.  This means standing up for your sense of honesty and righteousness with candor and outspokenness.  Try not to be a wimp or mousy when it comes to expressing your convictions or beliefs.

The 111 Standards  1-40

The 111 Standards  81-111